Pit Stop!

 

When I’m very sad, I think of my big brother. I wish he was here with me… He’d probably understand me the most. :’(

Anyway, that aside, it has been a fruitful 2-month break. I spent most of June in Thailand and Australia, and July practising on my instruments.

In a nutshell, I’ve officially graduated from NUS, gotten my nursing practice license and starting work @ NUH coming Monday as a Staff Nurse.

I don’t know what to make of that - my first career after 18 years of education. It is like a rite of adulthood. I am like a bird set free, there is now boundless possibilities for my future. I am my own pilot. What a strange and exhilarating feeling.

The world looks different to me now. I’d probably spend the next few months readjusting, readapting and reorientating my mind and lifestyle; and the next 2-3 years acquiring healthcare knowledge and nursing skills. My ultimate plan is to go overseas (most preferably the UK) to further my studies (most preferably on music therapy or palliative care) and/or to work.

‘That is the furthest I can plan at this point of time… I know it looks kinda ideal and I’m of course expecting obstacles along the way.

______

Apart from that, I need to plan for my music pathway too… And my main concern is the lack of practice when I start work. Sigh. I guess one can never have the best of both worlds.

I’m now preparing for my Grade8 piano exam which will take place next month and will be taking Grade8 theory coming March/September. I’m hoping my teacher would be willing to do express teaching and I can get over and done with this whole ABRSM graded exam thing in March.

After which, I’m looking at piano diploma… And would need to find a new teacher. Ok one step at a time… Lol.

As for cello, I’m taking it slow… Having lessons fortnightly, with random performances once in a while. My next concerts will be in September with BHSO and December with TMO. That means having rehearsals at least twice in a week.

I am not sure if I can afford the time anymore. Sigh.

____

Sad.

Gulp.

It had been a great time spent in the presence of God tonight.

I must say it was awkward at first, after being away for so long.

I was listening to this song, as tears and mucus concocted…

Words were choked up, I could not speak.

I had felt nothingness, as if all had been taken away from me.

And all I had at that moment, was God.

There was no need for anything more.

It was a sweet reunion.

I had been out on my own for too long.

Not too smart at all.

I struggled with the first words of prayer…

I did not have the courage to speak.

As if God had not already known what was in my heart.

No, He knows my every thought.

And He cares.

I had to get it out.

My burdens, my desires.

Words soon became fragmented sentences,

Injected with awkward pauses.

But yes, I got it out, I GOT IT OUT.

There was such relief.

Immediately the heaviness was lifted.

There arose a confidence I have not felt for some time.

Things are now in God’s hands, not mine.

I know His ways are always higher.

He can definitely handle it better.

Eyes-blended

 

Life would be much easier if I am less confused.
About the things that are happening, about theories.
About me.

I find myself always being torn.
Between beliefs and actions, between people.
Between loves.

Life is a patch of grey.
It has always been.
I need a clearer vision.